On The Gift of Presence

‘Your presence is a gift to others.’

I find that hard to believe. Always have. Not only hard to believe, but also almost a bit obnoxious and ‘woo-woo’ to hear. But perhaps that’s a conditioning that I need to learn to undo.

We live in a capitalistic society where one holds the ideals of material success and achievements at the apex. Accordingly, these ideals seem to have influenced the way we raise kids, conditioning them to think in such a manner. Or shall I say, us; or more specifically, me.

There’s a huge breed of us out there who are not used to being seen by ourselves — we need to constantly do and achieve in order to feel like we exist. The metaphysics of our being are embedded in our actions, as opposed to who we are as people.

But that begs the question — who exactly are we?

There’s a philosophical concept that stems from Buddhist and Hindu cultures that claims that there is no ‘self’. When I first heard of it, I found it hard to understand — the fact that I can see myself exist in the mirror; notwithstanding highly implausible sci-fi arguments, is proof that there is a me. But perhaps this is a naive interpretation of the ‘self’.

The more plausible interpretation of the ‘self’ here is the concept of who we think we are. And who we think we are is often attributed to the things that we do. Our jobs, our hobbies, who we spend the most time with, how we feel about what we think about ourselves. In other words, we seem to have internalized our ‘self’ here as what we do in the world and what we have achieved.

But just like choosing not to tie our self-worth to outcomes of what we do (what we achieve), and instead to what we do, we can also learn to tie our self-worth to how we are. What we are when we are simply being — with nothing to do, nowhere to be, nothing to say.

And personally, I find this presence a gift to others; in the very few moments that I can tap into it with other people. The way that I listen; the way that I show up — the way that we simply be with other people with no other agenda, truly seeing, listening, savoring the experience of being with someone else, can be a gift to others.

It’s a gift to others simply because many of us do not feel seen. In a capitalistic society where most of us rarely feel seen, simply being present and fully seeing people for who they are is truly a gift.

Being here,

I savor,

The being of others.