A Tribute to Modern Love : “When the Doorman Is Your Main Man”

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When The Doorman Is Your Main Man (Spoilers Alert)

The main character is a female who is excited about her love life developing — granted, we all feel that when we are young and sufficiently accomplished in the sense where we are roughly comfortable with who we are, and what we are currently doing. But what we often fail to see is that not everyone is on the same spectrum when it comes to that — some people are in the dating scene to find something else to complete them. Some find it as a way to keep themselves entertained. And then , the ones who are ready, are the ones who willingly trust people — which can be easily interpreted as being desperate. The ones who willingly trust other people are those who are either blindly optimistic, or has chosen to adopt a circle of trust. If one is in the latter, one is more likely to be mature emotionally — and hence, is truly ready for a relationship.

They are truly ready as they know that everyone has flaws — and everyone has baggage — but those flaws are not a sign of bad motives or bad character; it simply is based on everyone’s flaws that are inherited from childhood, which cause themselves the lack of freedom from being able to subject themselves to the consequences of their own decisions made in the past. And, of course luck had played a large element in that — after all, did we ever get the chance choose to be born into certain environments? And when one realises that and sees the flaws in others, but still chooses to see the goodness in them, one is ready for that.

But the main character isn’t, yet.

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She, on the other hand, screams this lack of sophistication of understanding the true motives of people— she is, in many senses, very pure hearted and hence, trusts blindly without that sophisticated lens of understanding how people are so thoroughly flawed and can hurt her.

I think that is what the door man sees in her — feels this need to protect her innocence. But at the same time, he doesn’t want her to lose her good-natured view of humanity as she develops this sophistication.

And so, this episode begins with her dating many guys — and the door man being the gate keeper. The gate keeper to her own choices. He tells her that he doesn’t like all of the men that she sees. I can imagine that she was thinking that he fancies her in some way or another — or that he is irrationally overprotective about her. But time and time again, he is always right — the guys that she brings back never stays, and a ends up breaking her heart.

That definitely puts a strain on her relationship with the doorman — as who would want to face someone only to hear ‘I told you so’? Granted the doorman didn’t say that to her — but she would implicitly hear that when she admits to herself that he was right.

Things took a turn when she got pregnant. This was when her world started turning upside down — and he was there for the ride.

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He. He was the bedrock to her home — and would always be there for her whenever anything was going wrong. I think in some ways, he was never once a dad — and he felt that he needed to be a dad as he saw the purity in her, and, could also live through the experience of supporting a pregnant woman who is going through the incubation period.

This was definitely novel to him. But he seemed to be a man who knew how to love — and was noble with how he did it. He understood that love did not mean that you have to say you love them — you just needed to be there for them when the people you love most need it.

But yet, he wasn’t perfect. He portrayed himself as this stoic and calm man who remains impartial at all times. See, when you’re hard to read, you find it harder to connect to people — as it is hard to trust someone who does not wear their heart on their sleeve.

Or rather, it appears to be harder. But, appearance can be deceiving here — it is the quietest and most noblest people who love the most — when things get rough, they are always there. Although quiet, they are always present.

I suspect that because of his closed off personality, or rather, appearance, he has not managed to develop strong relationships. But he was quiet — and so no one bothered the fact that he was present as he was not intrusive. And so, he became a very keen observer of humans — identifying the ones that are more pure from the ones who have more insecurities rooted.

And that is how he judged the guys she brought back — he knew that she wasn’t ready. He knew that she has not experienced life enough to know what she truly wanted. She was looking for superficial aspects in a guy — one that is not based on true character. And she secretly knew it too — she most likely felt insecure around these guys for she felt the need to impress them.

And he could see it in her eyes.

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See, when we are young, we tend to choose partners who ‘tick’ the boxes. From superficial aspects alike — from how fit is she, to his accent, to what she works as, to how he dresses. And when you are looking for partners like that, you are in that game of social signalling yourself — and you choose to pay attention to aspects like that.

When we’re young, and more unsure (despite being more convinced that we are sure), we tend to derive more self-worth from external factors. And having partners that tick the right boxes allow us to grant ourselves more of that self- worth. But that comes at the cost of one constantly asking yourself :

Am I good enough to keep them around?

And that is what he saw in her every time she brought someone new. It was only when she got pregnant, had a kid, had her career take off, did she finally find someone that suited her. Someone who she felt she can be her own skin in — and he could see that when she finally brought her partner then for the doorman’s blessings.

This episode is a tribute to young blind love. When we are young, we think we know what we want. Until we crash and burn. Make mistakes. Only then do we focus on ourselves and attempt to discover what we truly want and need. Only then, do we realise that love is not about having the perfect partner by society’s standards; but having a partner that will allow yourself to be you. And most importantly, you trust this partner will always be there — no matter how tough life gets.

This episode is a tribute to the people who truly love you. Those who want nothing in return — they will always be there even after you have gone way far astray. They will be there when you break down and cry. They will be outside, waiting for you, when they know it’s about to rain.

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But at the same time, this episode is a tribute to recognising that this process is necessary. Shit will always happen — and that is alright. Times like these are opportunities — for you to find yourself better, and to recognise and appreciate the ones who will be carrying an umbrella, will be waiting to walk back with you through the rain.

Just make sure that when it is raining, you admit that it is indeed raining.

Make sure you choose to walk with them.

Cheeky Psychology and Philosophy graduate who spends too much time on ethical capitalism. Auditor by profession, buddhist in spirit, child at heart.